‘Love Party’ becomes a tradition

Gina Williams, with her husband Joe, has been throwing Valentine’s Day parties since 2006, as an affirmation of love in its many forms. (Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)

Gina Williams spent seven years in a relationship that hit a dead end.

The Santa Rosa nurse, who works in the E.R. at Sutter Hospital, found herself in her own emotional emergency — pushing 30 with no prospects for the committed love and family life she craved.

But when Valentine’s Day came around, Williams refused to sit it out just because she was single.

So she threw a “love party” and invited all her true friends, the ones who had steadfastly supported her as she picked up the pieces of her life and started putting it back together better than before.

“It was a last-minute freak-out,” she remembers. “I thought, ‘Oh my gosh. I’m by myself and have nothing to do on Valentine’s Day.’ ”

A photo of Gina and Joe Williams is part of the decor for Gina’s Valentine’s Day party. (Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)

That first impromptu party some six years ago has become an annual tradition, a chance, as she sees it, to celebrate love in its many forms, from love for family and friends to love for the earth, humanity and the less fortunate. She carries it on even though she now has husband Joe Williams to share it with, and a baby on the way.

Williams did what Santa Rosa therapist Jennifer Holland Brown recommends that anyone who is single or unhappy with love do. She “reimagined” Valentine’s Day, creating new rituals that aren’t dependent on unrealistic or unattainable expectations of romance.

“We have been socialized in this culture to believe that in order to participate fully in Valentine’s Day, we must collectively open our wallets and buy our significant others whatever is being most effectively marketed at the time,” she wrote in a weblog.

The day, Brown stressed in an interview, has gotten out of hand, pushing many people toward depression and dread every February when the hearts, mushy cards and jewelry commercials materialize.

“We don’t have a very good sense of friendly and platonic love,” she said. “Everything we see on TV is about romantic fantasies that carry us away to our perfect somebody.” Many people, she said, “experience Valentine’s Day as a personal failure.”