Christmas pairings: Old and new classics

With the unfortunate DVD release of “A Christmas Story 2” this season comes another reminder not to disturb the sanctity of Christmas movie classics. They are sacred. They are not to be sullied with sequels, especially lame afterthoughts starring wacky Daniel Stern.

By now, everybody has their classic holiday movies memorized — the ones the family gathers around to watch year after year and blurt out well-loved lines like “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!” before the actors hit their marks.

But sometimes, the best holiday diversions are those unlikely films that happen to be set during Christmas but were never designed to beat you over the head with holiday revelation and catharsis.

They’re not really Christmas movies, more like Christmas castaways. Filled with frazzled characters flailing in limbo — a familiar feeling during the holidays — they unfold with the holiday season as backdrop, not as moral to the story.

Take a film like “Better off Dead,” by now a cult classic and one of John Cusack’s finest films. It’s not a Christmas film per se, yet the present-opening scene should be required viewing for any last-minute shoppers who leave home without a list — the dad gets the family a new garage door, Cusack gets a bottomless pile of individually wrapped TV dinners and the mom gets dad an aardvark fur coat.

From the less than obvious to a few unforgettables, here’s a dig through the holiday movie grab-bag:

You Can’t Go Home (for the Holidays) Again

“Beautiful Girls” — A wistful piano man (Timothy Hutton) returns home for holiday break and falls back in line with his old buddies, the townies who never left. Natalie Portman plays the under-age girl next door, with Matt Dillon, Uma Thurman, Rosie O’Donnell and Michael Rapaport rounding out the cast.
Holiday highlight: Thunderous group sing-along of Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” at the neighborhood bar.
Notable quotable: “Do you see her face? Girls like that are born with a boyfriend.”
Pair it with a classic: “It’s a Wonderful Life” — Jimmy Stewart steps back from the ledge thanks to a guardian angel in Frank Capra’s age-old reminder that your love changes the world and the people around you.

Best Christmas European Vacation

“In Bruges” — Lest ye forget this Martin McDonagh black-comedy treasure is set during the holidays, just imagine the misty cobbled streets and canals of the quaint Belgian city of Bruges during the holidays as two hit men from London seek refuge after a botched job. The loaded dialogue between Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson is on par with any Quentin Tarantino or David Mamet film.
Holiday highlight: The real mayor of Bruges had to convince its citizens to leave the Christmas decorations on the streets through March, until filming ended.
Notable Quotable: “There’s a Christmas tree somewhere in London,” says Gleeson, “with a bunch of presents underneath it that’ll never be opened.”
Pair it with a classic: “Bad Santa” — Billy Bob Thornton as Jack Daniels-swilling con-artist Santa meets his match in a kid named Thurman Merman. Throw in a dwarf, Lauren Graham in a hot tub and director Terry Zwigoff at his most perverse and you’ve got a demented Christmas.

Most Unlikely Christmas Comedy

“Better Off Dead” — Set in “the state of Northern California,” this cult teen comedy captures the surreal zeitgeist of the 1980s with the help of Kim Darby as Stepford Mom, a pair of Japanese drag-racers who impersonate Howard Cosell, a French exchange student and John Cusack teetering on the verge of suicide after being dumped by his girlfriend. Cusack reportedly hated the final edit, but who cares? Just the unwrapping of the presents alone makes it a holiday classic.
Holiday highlight: Did we mention the aardvark coat?
Notable quotable: “She only speaks French, Roy. She doesn’t speak imbecile.”
Pair it with a classic: “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” — redneck Randy Quaid alone is the reason for the season in this goofball collection of skits and Chevy Chase blunders that add up to another Griswold family crackup.

Best Noir Holiday Twist

“Lady in the Lake” — Christmas may only be a backdrop in this 1947 Raymond Chandler adaptation, but the tension of the holidays is a character unto itself. In his directorial debut, Robert Montgomery decided to shoot the film entirely from detective Philip Marlowe’s perspective — we only see what he sees.
Holiday highlight: When a dame in distress says to Marlowe, “I want to be your girl. That’s what I want for Christmas.”
Notable quotable: “People who write usually don’t know the facts, and people who know the facts usually can’t write. Authenticity has very little to do with it.”
Bonus: You can see “Lady in the Lake” on the big screen at San Francisco’s Castro Theater on Dec. 19 as part of the annual Noir City Xmas Show. Tickets: $10.

Best Remedy for the Fiscal Cliff

“Trading Places” — Way back when Eddie Murphy starred in comedies worth watching, along came this tale of life swapping and reverse mortgages. The premise: What would happen if a rich guy named Louis Winthorpe III (Dan Aykroyd) was suddenly forced to switch places with a poor street hustler named Billy Ray Valentine (Murphy)? It’s all for the sake of a $1 wager that goes down during the holidays.
Holiday highlight: Aykroyd as pistol-packing Santa crashing the company Christmas party.
Notable quotables: A toss-up between “It ain’t cool being no jive turkey this close to Thanksgiving” and “Look at that S-car go.”
Trivia: That’s Jim Belushi in the gorilla suit on the train.
Pair it with a classic: The original “Christmas Story,” a twisted tale of childhood innocence lost, nostalgia, leg lamps and headless Peking duck for Christmas dinner. Happy Holidays!

Bay Area freelancer John Beck writes about entertainment for The Press Democrat. You can reach him at 280-8014, john@sideshowvideo.com and follow on Twitter @becksay.