Celebrating the Holidays With Children

By Janice D’Arcy
The Washington Post

Celebrating the holidays with children can be magical, sometimes. Other times, it can be a season of migraine-inducing family problems. We asked a few experts to sort out some of the most vexing, such as navigating expectations, handling family drama, and teaching children gratitude. Here’s hoping this advice gets you more joy and less jaw-clenching during the next few weeks.

—How many gifts is too many?

Meredith Gelman, a Fairfax, Va.-based clinical social worker who works with parents and families, said when parents have different ideas about gift-giving, the approach should be broken into three phases: creating a recipient list and budget, discussing each other’s expectations and reasons for giving, and negotiating.

”Identify ways that you and your partner might combine each other’s gift ideas: Can you still buy at the toy store while also purchasing toys and clothing for a local needy family?” she said. She suggested involving children in the conversation, too, so they begin to understand the underlying reasons for giving gifts.

—Christmas and Hanukkah: A peaceful coexistence.

Hanukkah (starting sundown Dec. 20) and Christmas overlap this year. That makes it a good time to focus on the similarities between the two celebrations, said Jennifer Kogan, a District of Columbia clinical social worker.

”Parents can talk with their kids about common religious principles or themes. For example, both Christmas and Hanukkah tell the story of a miracle,” she said.

In terms of deciding which traditions to continue, she said it can be helpful for each parent to think about what they loved most about their childhood celebrations. ”Is it the different kinds of cookies your mom baked in advance of Christmas? Playing the dreidel game? The scent of a Christmas tree? Latkes frying on the stove? Reading stories or singing songs with family?” The answers can provide a template for the idea of interfaith celebration for your family.