‘Abe’ silly, yet too serious

Director Timur Bekmambetov (“Wanted,” “Nightwatch”) brings his usual visual verve to Abe’s many vampire battles — musket balls hurtling into the 3-D camera lens, slo-mo ax arcs, digital horses stampeding into our noses. It’s a striking, alien past that he creates with his designers and cinematographer — specks of dust floating in streaks of light in the 3-D foreground, sepia-tinted digitally augmented locations. But everything in between the action is badly written, badly acted and boring.

Which brings us to our leading man. Throughout Hollywood history, actors have blanched at playing Lincoln, one of America’s most iconic presidents. Henry Fonda, Raymond Massey and Gregory Peck are among the few who dared tackle the character and get away with it.

Benjamin Walker has the look of a young Liam Neeson about him — Steven Spielberg wanted Neeson for his Lincoln movie for years, and settled for Oscar winner Daniel Day Lewis. But Walker lacks the spark, the charisma, the confidence to play this guy as anything but a limp Lord of the Ax Dancers.

Where’s the humor, the wit? (Lincoln was a great joke teller, another bit of history Grahame-Smith ignored.) The few potentially noble moments, such as Mary Todd teaching Abe about principles — “Plant your feet, and stand firm. The only question is where to plant your feet.” — fall flat. Sewell, a veteran bad guy, phones this villain in.

“Vampire Hunter” is an all-around failure, this summer’s “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.” with poor Walker a tall, thin deer caught in the kerosene headlamps of a locomotive going off the tracks.

“History prefers legends to men,” Abe narrates from his diary. Grahame-Smith, Bekmambetov and Walker have conspired to give us none of the above — not the history, not a compelling legend, and certainly not Lincoln the man.

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MOVIE REVIEW
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Killer
*½
Stars: Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rufus Sewell, Marton Csokas, Erin Wasson
Director: Timur Bekmambetov
Rating: R for violence throughout,  brief sexuality
Running time: 105 minutes